A rainy day

I don't know if this is a common occurrence with all of you, but when it rains I become very contemplative. My mind circulates through my latest life lessons, and I usually wind up going to one of my favorite stores and buying something comforting (today it was driving a half an hour toward civilization: first the Goodwill where I bought a vintage fedora for Scott and a funky sweater for myself - and then a bunch of baskets and a hot cup of coffee at Target). 

At the audition the other night, I did a breathing technique that is new to me, and that I learned from my current voice teacher Delores Ziegler (hi Delores, if you're reading this! :-)  And it was very helpful not only in getting my heart rate to go down, but also in allowing me to really experience the audition, rather than blanking out and forgetting most of it, which is what usually happens. Today, I was able to review in my mind all that I did right, and all that I did wrong, where as before it would all be jumbled so thoroughly that I could never remember the details. 

So what did I do wrong? First, I came in showing the late train in my face. I was TERRIFIED of rejection, and I believe that this may have shown as well. I was  too humble, and I was directionless.

BUT i DID do some things right as well. During my singing, I thought about keeping my energy low (for those of you who do not sing - that means not letting my shoulders and chest muscles creep up. This is a common habit of mine that I think may be a defense mechanism. It kind of makes you look "all puffed up" like a young dude who has just had his girlfriend hit on at the county fair and who wants to demonstrate his pectoral strength :-). 

I also was calm enough not to CHOKE during my singing, which happens A LOT! Hm ... how do I explain this ANNOYING phenomenon ........ I sing, and then for some WEIRD reason, I swallow, which of course interrupts the sound. This has happened ever since I started singing and LAST NIGHT WAS THE FIRST TIME IT DIDN'T HAPPEN AT AN AUDITION. I was sure it would, since I was so nervous about being late.  I mean it never happens in private lessons anymore, but I'm never nervous during a lesson. LAST NIGHT I WAS SOOO NERVOUS AND I DIDN'T SWALLOW. SO congratulate me, everyone. I deserve it :-)

Hm ... I wasn't very graceful about loosing on Friday night ... at least not to Scott. I was very sad, but now that I look back, I did at least two things which I have never accomplished before, so I should have been happy. But the more momentum I get in this singing thing, the more these things begin to matter to me. Is that okay? Should I be getting more callus? Well maybe what matters is that you can shake it off after the first day, which I certainly was able to do. Let me just say that playing the Wii is super cathartic for this opera singer ......

Anythoughts? I bet those of you who are not musicians have to deal with similar let downs? Nerves? Fears .....?  How do you realease them into the night?